Each time Rebecca Murphy visits her 90-year-old mother at a Chagrin Falls nursing home, she doesn't like what she sees. Murphy: "Every time I've gone there, my mother has had feces on her fingernails. They've taken her shoes away. Her feet are so full of fungus it is unbelievable. She wears the same shirt and pair of pants. I've talked to everyone and their brother the last couple years and I can't get any help. She shouldn't have to live her golden years like this. These practices are sickening. But every time I call the state, they say they found my mother to be completely fine. And the nursing home says, 'Your mother is so happy here!' But I can't sleep at night knowing what they're doing to her."
Murphy's brother is her mother's legal guardian, and Murphy does not have enough money to file a lawsuit against the home.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services approved a rule in September that elderly advocates say has made it more difficult for people like Murphy to get key information about suspected abuse and neglect in the 16,000 U.S. long-term care facilities.
Under the new rule, nursing homes are no longer inspected by the state in which they are located, but by the federal government. State inspectors and Medicare and Medicaid contractors are now designated federal employees, a group usually shielded from providing evidence from either side in private litigation.
The rule was justified as necessary to accommodate the hiring of new contractors to make Medicare payments to providers and perform other work for the program. But the change is forcing litigants to go to greater lengths — including seeking court orders — to get inspection reports or depositions for cases they are pursuing or defending.
Advocates for the elderly also claim the change hurts nursing-home residents and their families by allowing bad practices to be kept secret by nursing homes and inspectors.
Lawyers on both sides of the issue are considering how to approach President Barack Obama's administration to get rid of the rule.
Full Article and Source:
Rule leaves nursing home inspections in limbo
See also:
New Rule Hurts Nursing-Home Residents
Murphy's brother is her mother's legal guardian, and Murphy does not have enough money to file a lawsuit against the home.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services approved a rule in September that elderly advocates say has made it more difficult for people like Murphy to get key information about suspected abuse and neglect in the 16,000 U.S. long-term care facilities.
Under the new rule, nursing homes are no longer inspected by the state in which they are located, but by the federal government. State inspectors and Medicare and Medicaid contractors are now designated federal employees, a group usually shielded from providing evidence from either side in private litigation.
The rule was justified as necessary to accommodate the hiring of new contractors to make Medicare payments to providers and perform other work for the program. But the change is forcing litigants to go to greater lengths — including seeking court orders — to get inspection reports or depositions for cases they are pursuing or defending.
Advocates for the elderly also claim the change hurts nursing-home residents and their families by allowing bad practices to be kept secret by nursing homes and inspectors.
Lawyers on both sides of the issue are considering how to approach President Barack Obama's administration to get rid of the rule.
Full Article and Source:
Rule leaves nursing home inspections in limbo
See also:
New Rule Hurts Nursing-Home Residents
I feel for Rebecca Murphy. All she wants is adequate care for her mother.
ReplyDeleteSurely a civil rights lawyer will step up to the plate and file suit in behalf of Rebeca Murphy?!
Every person dealing with nursing homes should read this article.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting it.
I would visit mom with cameras rolling, photographs, video cameras, cell phones, whatever it takes to get to the truth .... THE EVIDENCE.
ReplyDeleteSo by converting state inspectors to federal inspectors --- the inspectors won't have to produce evidence for lawsuits.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm, who's behind this atrocity?
Isn't it the truth? No matter what Rebecca Murphy says or documents, the staff tells her that her Mother is so happy here....
ReplyDeletePitiful!
The powerful nursing home lobby rears its ugly head again!
ReplyDeleteThe story about my mother, is not all that has happened to her.
ReplyDeleteShe has been stripped of her money her home is occupied by my sister and used for parties. She and my father had a home in Fla and one in Mentor, after he died she came back with me to live for a while and then we finished Dad's estate.
I took her home.
My father said before his death that he felt that he made a mistake
making my brother the guardian, considering that his wife gave our family so very much trouble all these years. My parents were on tip toes around her.
So my sister in law moved in my mothers house and proceeded to treat her awful. I made tapes of what she did to my mother and locking her in her room, pulling her hair, taking her car, chasing her around the neighborhood, were just a whiff of what she did to her, and my younger sister watched her do it. Beth, my sister did this to me when my dad was sick.
I took care of him even though I have a family of my own. I am writing a book called The Gordon"s of 72 Hall St. Chagrin Falls, Ohio
The story is long and hurtful.
Mom was litterly kicked out of her home by Bonnie Gordon of Burton, Ohio, she is the wife of my brother.
The police were called and she was not allowed to enter, because it was in my father's name. My brother
sent my other brother one hundred and sixty four thousand dollar's so he could build a pool in Maui.
Then he supports my alcoholic ciggerett smoking sister in my mom's house. Mother and my father loved each other and were married almost 60 years. I was the one who took care of them. I did everything.
The 3 Gordon's and the attorney that was forced on us by Soloman,Smith, Barney, have managed to cause so much trouble and spread lies that I am helpless. The two million is slowely going for trips to Maui, and tires for cars. Even though the judge in Lake county ordered the house and credit cards to be sold and cards cut up, this never happened. Smith Barney had no right to force Frederick Condon on us. We were a family.
My mother came to me and told me she needed help, that they had emptyed her bank accounts. She wanted me to get a lawyer. She told me what they were doing to her.
I decided to tape everything and it made me sick. The neighbor's called me and told me what they saw and the horrible things that Bonnie did to her. The girl has been a thorn in the Gordon family and Grandmother' and Aunts knew her well. She is deemed a socialpath by her sister who is a nurse in North Carolina. She told me she could not wait until Bonnie, left their home. She broke up marriages , she broke up homes with children, she lied and get this.,. She would not let her mother or father see her children ever.
Her children are growen and I often wonder what they think or what lie she told them.
For five years my mother was in Summerville Assisted Living home in Mentor. I went every day to see her and sometimes in the evening when she called me . She played cards, bingo, knitted me scarf's and loved the entertainment there.
Almost 2 years ago, I went to play cards with her and my husband her room was empty. All the beautiful things I gave her and keepsakes were gone to Bonnie and Gary Gordon. I paid for her hair to be done and that was out of my pocket, since they wrote a note that Gary would no longer pay for her hair. How awful. That was her treat and I always took care of her hair since I was younger. Why not now. I have no control. Attorney's have taken me to the cleaners.She looks awful, No TV. no phone, doesen't know anyone and tells me to not to talk to them and points to her head.
So I decided that I would keep up with the gal that was the hairdresser at Summerville. She was wonderful. The new home said that she can't get her hair done.
She is chopped and looks awful.
It makes me sick to see her like that.
I went through lawyer after lawyer and everyone in Lake County is a memeber of the bar, they are all friends, and Mr. Condon, got rid of everyone of them. He sent letters that I was throwen out of court and that I was not a good client. He was ruthless. Everytime I was ready to go, boom,( I am sorry that I can't take your case.........
)There is more, much more,she has been abused, my finger broken, pushed tables landed in her stomach,threats make to me and her.
The story will be told. But to end this , Don't ever let a firm that handles your money, make you think you have to take their advice on a legal representive. I called the main office in N.Y and they were flabergasted. Condon came to my mother's house in Mentor and would not leave. We kept telling Smithe , Barney that we did not need a lawyer and would get one if we needed... So be careful.
Also, people from the court met with me in private and told me that my mother had several reports of abuse, but that they could not release the names.
Mother's neighbor's are very afraid of Bonnie and Beth my sister and the socialpath. They worry what they will do to their condo while they are gone. Must be nice to live in a hugh free standing
condo. At Waterford Estates and have your cable paid for, your gas for the car and oh yes , Beth just lost her third job.
She sold her condo years ago, spent her retirement.So much for her . Hope Judge Klammer and Judge Henry are proud of the way they do business. Henry told me to come back with a lawyer. Fat chance of that, it would probably be his cousin or be his son, all belong to a class that takes your money until you just give up.
There is so much more, but believe me Tom Fields in Mentor has been so wonderful to me and guided me to things I never knew exsisted.
He has worked so hard on the terrible things that happened upon his own fathers death , that I wonder how he can be cool as a cuccumber. He is to be commended for his work with the abuse of the elderly and the representive's that he has contacted. For years he has been working for National Association to Stop Guardian Abuse.
Bravo Tom. You are one of a kind and I believe in you as a person of persistance and kindness that passes all other's that have helped me. I just wish I could sue the people who took from my hard working parent's and stop the madness. Greatful
Rebecca Murphy
6335 Southcedarwood Road
Mentor, Ohio 44060
Sick of the lies in Lake County
ReplyDeletedated April 12th at 7:08 pm
I took the money to Klammer's court, with my mother in tow, and filled the forms out. I never got a hearing and never got my money back. They said, when I went back to see what happened, that the money went in the court fund.
So there, I have been trying to get my mother, not for her money, but for the sake of taking care of her as she did me. I happen to be a different kind of person, who made promises to both parents and have failed .I never want to be put where people don't love me. I pray for her all the time. She means the world to me
We are retired and the money we have spent on Lawyer's has been unreal. We are not the only ones.
I have had a Aunt and a Grandmother
in homes and have been there for all of them. I care. And I have a niece who works in one in Cuyahoga
County. She knows what goes on.
That is why I have tried so hard to take care of my mother. I am used to all of it. Only God can help me now, He is the person that I lean on. Money is all my brothers and sister wanted and that is what they got. All I wanted was my Mom and I can't even get help for that, thanks to Condon, the great retired attorney who is the wrath of God. My mother wrote to the Judge and so did all my friends, nothing made a difference, once the attorney's went in the small room, my attorney came out and said that is it. What?????????Don't judge people until you know the whole truth. My mom's room is so full of
feces that I have to clean it every time I go there to visit.
Judge for yourself. This is a very sick situation.
I am not afraid to put my name in print. You are not the one going through this.
Murphy
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for what you are going though worrying about your Mother and being powerless to help her. It's like having a heavy dark cloud looming all around you that just gets darker and darker.
With the media attention you got from the story, I wonder if any of your elected representatives would be more apt to help you and your mother?
Lawyers are often in "the club" - and they stick together and you stand alone. You've done the right thing by contacting the media and I hope they'll follow up with another story.
Please visit our website at www.StopGuardianAbuse.org for more info about abusive guardianships.
We appreciate the time you took to tell your story here.
Rebecca you are doing the right thing. Too many people are afraid of consequences for coming out with the truth. Keep up the fight and keep giving your mother a voice. She is being heard.
ReplyDeleteThere was a comment on this sight from an attorney. Can you please e-mail me if you can help get my mother back into her home?
ReplyDeleteRebecca Murphy
Ohio
Ramrareone@Yahoo.com
Everyone has been so nice, it is the baby boomer's that are winding down and facing the problem's that are real and disturbing. Someone with power and honesty has to step forward and these saga's have to be told and stoped or we are going to be in the same situation. Yes us.
So if we can get help from good solid people and especially Tom Fields of the same town I live it.
All of us would be so happy to have some law makers on our side.
Please step up to the plate. Remember this is not far from when we have to make a choice of who is going to take care of us. Myself I don't want strangers. I have seen it all since 2004 and not only I need help to get Mom back home but so do a lot of other people who are helpless.Helpless because we seem to not beable to make headway
with powerful people who will
once again step forward.
My sister needs to leave my mother's home and Mother needs to come home where I can love her and take care of her.... This truly hurts. I need my brother out of the money part and Mother really needs a new guardian. My story is here to read you can see that the abuse she suffered and the proof that I have, would go a long way.
So where do you go???????????????????Rebecca Murphy
It is me again, If there is a civil rights lawyer somewhere who will help Ginny Gordon, my mom, please contact me at 440 953 8748.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is not getting the care and it makes me sick to see that she has to clean up her own messes
and someone cuts her hair like one of the Simpson's. This is just another mother, or father, but so much to the story that I would never reveal all except in my book.
Please anyone who knows about changing a guardianship,,, call me.
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteHave you seen NASGA's "Victim's" page on our website, www.StopGuardianAbuse.org?
Consider joining and submitting a profile of your Mom for publication on the Victims page.
Rebecca. still needs help./ Can't anyone help me get my mother away from where she is and back in Mentor. I can't see her, the road blocks are enormous and my brother and his rotter lawyer are ringing in the buck every chance they get.
ReplyDeleteIt is so unfair. I could just steal her away and keep her from someone hurting her.
I found a nurse that works there and she said that she will let me know if anything happened to her.
She will not remember if someone did hurt her. Her memory is bad, but when I was with her every day she was so with it. Dumping her was the worst thing the Gordon's ever. She lost her phone, TV. Shower and all the beautiful things I made her. She made me knitted things and I decorated or room with flowers. Being a florist for 30 years has made some peolpe happy, but the family tore them apart and ripped the heads off my children's and family;;;;;;heads
The home came to me and said they would like to make a frame of just pictures of she and my father. It had to be that way...
Some friends drove by my mother and fathers house and the for sale sign is so small and you can't see the phone no# . It has been in the yard since the judge ordered it sold in 2004. Seem's to me that anything the judge said, especially about the credit cards being ripped up, none of that was ever done.
Were is the civil rights lawyer..
He hasn't reached the plate yet?
I have not seen my mother since Feb.The reason is she did not know me and other reason's that caused me not to sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteI went to see her last Wed. with a friend. I walked into the rec room and they were all watching a program about sea creature'. I stood infront of my mother and she almost jumped out of her chair. Oh how happy she was. She told me she had not seen me in a long time. She was right. Her memory was better, she carried on a conversation, she told me her memory was not so good any more.
Her shoes we too tight once again, she had crap all over her cream colored shoes and I asked if I could see her toes. She complied and they were a mess. The stench was unbearable. I looked in her closet and same cloths that she had last time. Her hair was greasy and she was very un-kept.
It took a lot of soul searching to go to the nursing home. I get so down that I can't sleep at night and the depression is unspeakable.
I asked when she last saw a pediatrist, that was the charge nurse and she looked in the record and said JULY///// If you could see her then and know....and my Dad could see her....I just hate Soloman, Smith , Barney, and Morgan
or who everthey are now. They really took advantage against our family for sending Mr. Condon to Mom's house. You all know the story.
Please if there is an attorney that will pro bono a suit of large amount's of money and proof
I would appreciate a call.
Or response.
Have tapes, have thousands of records and plenty of lies that could be proven...
I wish that we could not have a family member not be in charge.
Trips to Maui, once a year, paying them selves for not even seeing her.
God help us all.
Thank you everyone.
Sept.15,2009
ReplyDeleteCalled agents in Cleveland and they think that is all a farce.
I told him that there is no help in this county and he strongly suggested that I stick with in the county of Lake. Well let me tell you for nine years I have done everything and anything, been taken by many lawyer's and 2 judges that all they care about is if you don't have an attorney, then don't voice your oppion in my court. Even the court has taken my money, as I told you before.
I have looked all over for a pro- bono attorney and still am waiting.
Friend Tom is going to State next week and hope that he gives them the truth what happens in these wonder homes for our parent's.the good old rest home.
Mad has heck today. Agent set me off. Real smart -----. Tomorrow I will call the obudsmam as Tom did let me know about him or her.
My mom was so beautiful and still has red hair and no grey and looks like heck. Thanks to a really sick sister in law.
She is the one who abused her. Why did the neighbor's not call. Only one call to Human Services and Judge ingored it. Thanks Judge of probate court in Lake County. Thanks for taking my money when I applied for guardianship. It went in the court fund...Yeah
Today I wanted to go and see mother but I will not go alone.
ReplyDeleteI called Maui to see if my brother will talk to me, left a message.
So with my sister kicked out of the house, and my brother Gary Gordon stealing all the presious things worth big buck, where does one go from here. Sleeplessness nights and worry and shame for my mom. She was such a lady.God gift to her 4 children. Why did we have this happen,,,don't all of you in my place ask the same question.?
My daughter's daughter Ashely lives with me. She too was abused.
My sister being forced to leave the beautiful house in Mentor, Waterford Estate's, now live's in Ashleys room. In a mobile home that
I took (on paper)and paid for for my daughter to live in, after 13 years of marriage. You see she got the old surgery that makes you skinny and was out looking for a new man when the weight came off.
Got fired from her nursing job and lives with my grandson and my sister;, and her lovely husband.
Their world is much different than our's. I long for angel's and they belong where the shovel's go all the time. God help us all with parents that you can's help or even straighten out what happened befor they pass away or even after the fact. Still trying for a lawyer, one that is honest is hard to find. Money is their game. Maybe some day I will give up, but I made promises to keep and haven't been able to quite reach that goal yet. Next week hope to see Lawyer, let you know more.
The voice of truth says do not be afraid...justice will prevail somewhere some time.
ReplyDeleteSEEING MY MOTHER IS LIKE KNOWING YOUR ARE NOT GOING TO SLEEP FOR A WEEK. FINALY I GOT PERMISSION FROM MY BROTHER TO HAVE THE BEAUTY PARLOR DO HER DIRTY GREASY HAIR,AND NEXT WEEK I WILL ORDER UP A PERM FOR HER. CAN YOU IMAGINE LETTING HER HAIR GO FOR TWO YEARS WHILE MY BROTHER AND THE SOCIAPATH GO TO MAUI EACH YEAR. I GOET MY FIsT BILL AND I AM SO GLAD TO PAY IT...EVEN THOUGH HE HOLDS THE PURSE STRINGS,,,I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY HE WILL NOT PAY FOR HIS MOTHER'S HAIR.
ReplyDeleteSHE WAS CLEAN LAST I SAW HER BUT HER CLOTHS WERE DIRTY AND STILL NOT ENOUGH CLOSE IN HER CLOSET. ONE PAIR OF SHOES....MY LORD SHE HAD SO MUCH MONEY AND THE LAST LAWYER THAT I SAW LAST WEEK, SAID THAT THERE WAS PLENTY OF MONEY THERE. i GUESS THAT IS WHY SO MANY MAUI VACATION'S.I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THIS IS OVER SO I CAN JUST SLING THE BIGGEST LAW SUIT EVER ON HIM AND HIS DIRTY WIFE, AND I MEAN DIRTY. CLOTHS AND ALL. HER FINGERNAILS ARE YUKKKKKKKKKK AND HER HAIR IS UNKEPT SO I GUESS SHE WANTED VIRGINIA GORDON TO LOOK JUST LIKE HER.
WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO SEPERATE FAMILY/?
ANYWAY THAT IS THE UP DATE, KNOW ONE HAS COME FORTH TO HELP ME. ALSO THE NURSING HOME ASK ME TO LET THEM KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT TO MY LIKEING, INSTEAT OF CALL THE STATE AND THE OHIO OBUMSOME. tHEY APPARENTLY DID NOT LIKE THAT SUPRISE, EXCEPT I GAVE ALL THE GROUPS THAT WENT TO VISIT PERMISION TO USE MY NAME. SO WHAT. THAT IS ALL I CAN DO.. SO IT GAVE ME THE RIGHT TO GET HER HAIR DONE AFTER TWO YEARS AND A FEW MORE PANTS, AND TO HAVE HER WEAR DIAPER'S SO THAT SHE DOES NOT FEEL EMBARRASED. I WILL NOT GIVE UP EVER. I JUST NEED THE RIGHT PERSON TO STEP UP AND SAY THIS HAS GONE ON ALL FOR EVER AND YOU HAVE SEEN 2 MILLION GOINF FAST AND WHAT ABOUT THE HOUSE? mY SISTER WAS KICKED OUT, SO WE HAVE ONLY ONE PERSON TALKING TO THE LOVELY GORDON FAMILY, GARY AND BONNIE. HOWARD THE FAKE ONE OF THE FAMILY. HE WAS WRITTEN UP IN A BOOK THAT VINCENT BUGOLOSI WROTE ,"CALLED AND THE SEA SHALL TELL"
AND IF ANYONE EVER READS IT,,,,LOOK TOWARDS THE END OF THE BOOK AND SEE WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT MY BROTHER GEORGE HOWARD GORDON. I WILL GO SEE HER NEXT WEEK. I SHUTTER EVERY TIME I GO SEE HER. ARDEN COURT HAULED ME INTO THE OFFICE LAST TIME AND THREATENED ME WITH GRAND LARCENCY. WOW. NOT MENTIONED THAT THE THOUSANDS THEY OWE ME FOR THE HAIR CARE FOR FIVE YEARS , WHEN SHE WAS AT SUMMERVILLE.OH I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE HER BACK IN MENTOR SO I COULD SEE HER EVERYDAY AS BEFORE.LIFE HAS DEALT ME A LOT OF BLOWS BUT I NEVERR WOULD HAVE DREAMED THAT MY MOTHER WOULD BE ABUSED BY BONNIE GORDON OF BURTEON OHIO. IMAGINE DRIVING BY AND SEEING HER IN ONE OF THE SWEATERS THAT I PURCHASED FOR MY MOM. SOMTHING TO KEEP HER WARM. SHE STILL DOES NOT HAVE A WINTER COAT AND I HAVE REQUESTED ONE BE BROUGHT IN.
MY HUSBAND REMOVED ANYTHING IN THE LINE OF PICTURES THAT WE FELT WERE DIRECT AND HARMFUL TO MY WELL BEING.
ESPECIALLY THE ONE THAT MY BROTHER IN MAUI IS HOLDING THE SIGN UP SAYING, THANKS FOR THE MONEY ON A PIECE OF CARDBOARD AND HAS A BUNCH OF MONEY FANNED OUT. THAT WAS PURE SICKINING.
i KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE DONE, SO DOES THE COURT,,,,,BUT THERE IS NO STOPPING THEM, THEY HAVE THE BUCKS.
lOVE ALL THAT READ THE BLOGS, SO MANY KIND PEOPLE GOING THROUGH THIS ALONE.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO STOP OUR PARENT'S AND LOVED ONE'S FROM THE HORRID PEOPLE WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS THE BIG BUCK FORM THE ELDER'S LONG YEARS OF WORK TO HELP THEM AND THEIR CHILDREN. NOT THIS CASE.
Today is Friday January 22,2010.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I went to see my mother at the nursing home and it was awful. She told me her children were dead, she wanted me to leave, the nursing home supervisor came in her room and we both tried to explain things.Saying awful things to me, and her eyes glazed, she told me she was sorry but I did not belong in her room.
I see now, more than ever the distruction that is happening. Even faster now. We once were mother and daughter and she is just a shell waiting. I hope God is inside of her and watching over her, because I can no longer reach her, my mother. The love of my life. With tears in my eyes I struggle to write to know one.
I just want a peaceful ending. I would crawl in bed with her and hold her if I could.
The nursing home and I made a deal, and it goes like this. I promised not to call the state or anyone that looks after nurseing home if I find my mother clean.
I have managed to have her put in diapers and that has made a big deal of difference. Finding her in her own feces was hard to take. And underwear on towel bars drying from accidents.
Now I am feeling so out of my mind worring that she will not beable to swollow. I could not bear to see or hear her like that. The home told me about hospice comming in and the whole way things would end and I cannot express enough the heart ache that eats at me and the tears that burn my eyes. I don't want to lose her but I know God will have her in his arms and my dad will be waiting for her. This has been a long haul for all of us four children. Even though we do not speak, over what has happened to our family,and the good times they have had and the extra benifits, there is still four of us that will have to greave many different ways. I know that I loved both of them more than anyone could ever love a parent. They gave their lives to us and we had a wonderful time and a beautiful life with them.
We grew closer in older years, and they needed me more and I was there.
Always, never living too far to get there when needed.My sister Beth now has seen the light of my brother and his wife and was throwen out of the house she lived in for 10 years. She now lives with my oldest daughter and none of us speak. The oldest daughter
has problem's and 3 years ago my grandaughter came to live with me.
She has been a God sent to me and my husband.I never got to see her when she was little, very little, so we got to know each other as grown up
people.
My heart overwhelms me at this time and I can not go any further
Rebecca, I am so sorry for you and your Mom.
ReplyDeletePlease, please try to set aside the awful things your Mom said to you. She didn't mean them - she isn't herself. And maybe that's really a good thing because if she was herself, she would hate languishing in a nursing facility away from her family. Perhaps her not knowing is a form of protetion for her.
You are a good daughter; she knows that. Her confusion could come and go and you saw her when she was at her worse.
Her heart and soul remembers and loves her daughter - always remember that.
Today I sent my mother a card and a picture of the two of us. That is the extent of our relationship now. Her brain is not functioning. She was the love of my life. To watch this go on is terrible, anyone who has to endure a parent or anyone they love, look out.
ReplyDeleteWhen Dad died I thought that I would never get over not having him around, but still to this day since 2000, I think about him and remember the good times and the wonderful person he was.
Dad bought me my first computer and then mother and I would write or call daily when they were in Fla. We kept our secrets about my brother's wife and we were careful not to be around her, at least I was. We could both see right through each other and the gut feeling I had for her was horrific.My parent's were afraid of her.
I knew she would end up doing something bad, but to kick my mother out of her own home and call the police on us, and to put her in a home, just up the road and lie to her that she just had to stay for 2 weeks, until her medication kicked in.
Mother expected to come home.
The job that they did on her mind made my job harder. I told her over and over she would lose everything and she has. We all have. We have no family and a mother that has a brain that has turned to sponge.
This has caused her to not believe that I am her daughter . I was always there for her and dad. To tell me to leave and come back another time hurt me so but I knew that it really was not the mother I grew up with. But I will go back.
She believes that she has no children.
She thinks that she doesn't wear glasses and her hearing aids are in my brother' hands. So she slowly is sleeping more and more and life is slowly comming to a slow ending. It will be unbearable for me to see her suffer in anyway and I will do everything possible to see that she goes peacefully. The love of my life will be with my father and her Father in Heaven and I will be left with the sorrow of knowing that our good times are over and the test of happiness may come back to me someday.I know what has been done to her. I knew her like a book. She taught me so much about life
My husband and I would like to go to Fla. but when you give away millions
of dollars to your brothers and sister
before my mom is in the ground, there is no way we can get away from the sadness.I should have said take instead give .God rules and it is not for the mean and non caring that get us where we are going. I met them all for the last 7 years. All kinds, more than one could imagine. The lawyer's, the doctor's, the nursing home supervisor'. All the right people but to no avail. I just wasn't meant to do what my dad asked me to do.
Please just take care of your mother
I did the best I could and people tell me that I did. I just wanted her in my arms and that did not happen. But we had five good years at the nursing home in Mentor. Lots and lots of good times. No regrets there.
Good Night all those who stand with me.
To Elaine
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. It means so much to me. It helps to write down my feelings, even if no one reads them. THe nursing home is having me send my mother one letter every week. they will read it to her and that will keep us in touch until i see her again. Thank you, Rebecca
Rebecca more people are reading about your situation than you know. Please keep us updated. We care and we will make a difference. Keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is being really abused now. It is terrible, my nerves are shot and I can't stand to see what is going on.In the last few months, there has been tarter , like cement that I had to ask the Director Erin Phenning to have my brother remove it. Her hair was awful and she was full of feces again. I got permission to do her hair. She looks so much better. I have been to half a dozen lawyers and they are afraid of JUdge Henry in Geuaga county. One lawyer said he would not go up against him, Some justice we have. Then when we went to see Mom on Friday night, I Had a chance to observe her eat, no one helped her and she only ate ice cream. I looked at what she was eating and it was tuna. She hates tuna. Then the drama began, she was hurting but unable to describe it. I noticed that I had to take her to the bathroom many times and there seemed to be no chance in leaving.Finally she started crying and telling me should could not sit and while on the toilet I looked at her private area and my Lord, it was red as a beet. I rang for the nurse 3 times in a fifteen min. period. No one came. I left her on the toilet and went for help, the nurse told me (nurse Jackie) that my mother was Having barrier cream put on her 5 times a day and all she does is yell and cry.
ReplyDeleteThere was not a drop of cream in her pull-ups. The boy who is black named Evan came with the cream after he came to see what was wrong. I used half a tube on her and she cryed and I laid right next to her and cryed with her. The prolaps of the bowel was out again and she keep feeling that she had to go. My heart was sunk.
My daughter told me to go to the police and report it. We did, we were there until midnight. Finally they made a decision to go in the squad and have a look. The nurse shoved my husband and I out of the way and the rest of the guys stayed out side her door as we did. She berated my mother and said that half the people were awake all night as it was and she was not going to stand for it. What a disaster. The sargent said that he did not feel comfortable looking and saw a little red, but I had already put the barier cream on her and it was so think no one could see the rectum or the vaginal area. Nurse Jackie kept refering to me as the daughter.
As I listened to the nurse lie to themabout the daughter and mother, I knew then I was going to loose again.
ReplyDeleteI really need some help to get her in a one to one home, she needs help.
Her feet were glued together and I had to have her get new shoes, I have no athority to demand things, her teeth has more tarter than an aligator, and the most terrible was her lack of cloths. They took all her things. So she is a patient and only I can help her. My brother Gary Gordon does not know her and how to handle her, he never noticed any of this. His wife always hated my mom, she is in it for the money.
Monday at 5 pm they are packing up things from her house(they already kicked my sister out) and not giving the things mom promised me. I will not put oup with them. I am taking the police and my husband and the boys and some friends. I will need all the strength and prayers.
I have never felt so awful.
We have called the Federal Nurses and they went today to the home where mom is, I have wrote to them and told them that the deal they made with me was void. You see they wanted me to come to them and not call the Federal Goverment, so I said I would not if they coperated with me. The hair, the perms,(which I pay for and it should come out of the trust), the teeth, the terrible fungus, the new shoes, the not wearing of a bra, the rectum and the prolaps. The home got sited on November 9th last year and the government told me that I had a right to know what the sitation's were. I never wrote and requested tham, because I though or was rather led to believe that mother was getting the care. No so, broken promises, the terrible rash, the not caring nurse and the lies from the staff.If anyone can help me, please come to my rescue.
Rebecca
Hello everyone, it is rebecca again. Here is just an update since I have not been online in a while... Breaking NEWS!!! I have been kicked out of the nursing home for calling attention to the several things that are wrong with my mother and the abuse that she is receiving from ARDEN COURTS in Chagrin Falls, OH. Our local newspaper, The News-Herald, is about to do another article on my behalf sequeling the first one done in April 2009. My mother is now 93 years old this year, and I have had many problems with the nursing home. The Director Erin M. Pfenning is a real liar and has no sympathy for the elderly or their concerning family members. She only cares for her title and PAYCHECK! There is a 75 year old nurse there named Jackie, who complains about my mother and seems to think that all old people are nothing but a nuisance.I have reported her to the state nursing board. Nothing will ever come of this. Thanks to the Justice System!Since I was unable to make a complaint about my mother's raw bottom, my daughter suggested going to local police station and making a report. Any complaint made through the Nursing home itself will vanish shortly after complaint is made. They have hid evidence and lied to me about my mother and her condition. I have been forced to find an attorney. Thank you ... I will continue to keep everyone posted as soon as I can.
ReplyDeleteSadly my mother Virginia Mae Loveland Gordon passed away on Friday, December 14th, 2012 @ 2:30pm. She was forced to leave her home in 2003. I, her daughter Becky, had taken care of her before my brother, Gary took over as guardian. She still had her red hair and that is the way she wanted it all of her life. Everybody called her gingin. She was the most wonderful person that i have ever known. She would be greatly missed and it is too bad that her whole family could not be here for her. I intend to pursue different avenues and will be starting a new blog soon.
ReplyDeleteBecky.