This
past spring, Marleen Brooks, a 37-year-old property manager in the
small town of Park Hills, Mo., came home to find a handwritten letter
from a 90-year-old woman she had never met.
It was just a few lines:
Would
you consider to become my friend. I'm 90 years old — live alone and all
my friends have passed away. I am so lonesome and scared. Please — I
pray for some one.
As Brooks read the letter,
her eyes teared up. Her own grandmother, who had raised her, had died
alone in hospice, which still bothered her. The letter-writer, Wanda
Mills, had left an address — a house across the street and a couple of
doors down. "I literally, honestly didn't know anybody lived there,"
said Brooks, who has lived on the street for a year and a half.
The next day, she and a friend brought cupcakes to Mills.
"She
was excited that we came over there, and we sat and talked for about an
hour," Brooks recalled. Mills, who has trouble walking and uses oxygen,
told her that she hadn't left her house in seven years and relies on
caregivers who come daily. But they weren't the same as having friends.
Mills had lived in the house for 51 years. Her husband
and sister had died, as had one of her sons. Another son lived out of
state. It turned out that a third son lived next door but didn't visit
often, she told Brooks.
Loneliness and isolation
have been shown to have detrimental effects on health, leaving people
more vulnerable to infection, cognitive decline and depression. An AARP
survey found more than one third of older Americans to be lonely.
Brooks
wondered how many others out there were living like Mills, unknown to
their neighbors. She took a picture of the letter and posted it on
Facebook, urging people to make sure to check on their neighbors and
inviting them to send letters to Mills, and opened a post office box for
her.
Then she had an idea: Why not invite people to write to more people than just Mills? In late April, she started a Facebook group called Pen Pals for Seniors, offering to match participants with older people who want to correspond by mail.
In
a little more than a month, around 6,000 people had responded — far
more than she had older people for them to write to. "We're still
actively trying to find seniors," she said, adding that she has posted
fliers and sent letters to churches, senior centers, home health
agencies and nursing homes to let them know about the service. "That's
been the hardest part."
So far, around 500 letters
have been exchanged. Members include a mail carrier in Ohio who had
isolated seniors on her route. Brooks said high school classmates that
she hadn't heard from for years have contacted her. Employees at her
local post office call her "Pen Pal Girl."
Rosina
Ragusa of Hawthorne, N.J., saw the service on Facebook and signed up
after her own mother died in July. "It kind of just broke my heart,
because I thought, 'What if I hadn't been there for my mother?' " she
said. "You just never know who needs a friend."
The act of writing a letter on a piece of paper has
brought Ragusa back to her childhood, when she had a pen pal in Japan.
"I love it, I love having to sit down and think about what I'm writing
instead of the quick responses with a cellphone and a computer."
Georgia
Parker, 40, of Dittmer, Mo., corresponds with a woman in her late 60s
in Windsor, Canada. Her own mother died two years ago, but "as you go
through life and things happen, I want to call my mother and I want to
tell her about it. I can write Faye and tell her," she said. "It's good
to still have that connection with the older generation."
Another
member, D'Linda Wallace of Munsing, Mich., said that in the store where
she works, older customers often want to linger and talk. Seeing
Mills's letter on Facebook made her wonder how many of them suffered
from loneliness and isolation.
"I don't think
people are going to always say, 'I'm lonely,' " said Wallace, who has
exchanged a dozen letters with her pen pal since she signed up three
months ago. "I don't think it's going to be revealed, due to people's
pride and stuff, but I think it's more widespread than you would ever
know."
A
couple of weeks ago, Mills moved to a nursing home; Brooks and her
husband and sons visit regularly. Speaking on the phone from her room
there, Mills told The Washington Post that hardly anyone had visited her
at home in recent years.
"Neighbors don't neighbor
like people used to. Neighbors used to visit each other. But they don't
do that there, I don't guess they do anywhere."
In fact, when Brooks initially showed up at her door in response to the letter, she was surprised.
Full Article & Source:
This is what happened when a lonely 90-year-old wrote a letter to a stranger