Arkansas Advance Healthcare Directives Remain Valid Under Guardianship and State Hospital Admission

Arkansans with valid advance healthcare directives generally retain those protections if they later become wards under guardianship or are admitted to the Arkansas State Hospital, according to Attorney General Tim Griffin.

This came on Wednesday, September 9th, in response to questions from State Representative Steve Unger about whether an existing advance directive remains enforceable after a person becomes a ward and is admitted to the State Hospital.

The Attorney General concluded that neither the appointment of a guardian nor admission to the Arkansas State Hospital automatically invalidates a valid advance directive.

Under Griffin’s interpretation of Arkansas law, the state and a ward’s guardian generally must honor the directive. However, the opinion recognizes exceptions when a controlling court order or a provision of state law applies to a particular healthcare decision.

Advance directives allow people to establish instructions concerning future healthcare decisions before circumstances arise in which they may no longer be able to make or communicate those decisions themselves.

Griffin addresses what happens to those previously established instructions when an Arkansan later comes under guardianship. Griffin concluded that becoming a ward does not, by itself, erase an otherwise valid directive.

The same principle generally applies when a ward is admitted to the Arkansas State Hospital. Admission alone does not invalidate the directive or eliminate the state’s obligation to honor it, according to the opinion.

The conclusion is not absolute. A court could issue an order controlling a particular healthcare decision, and state law contains exceptions that may apply depending on the circumstances of an individual case.

Unger asked whether the directive remains enforceable after both guardianship and admission to the State Hospital and whether the state is required to honor the directive. Griffin answered both questions generally in the affirmative.

The publicly released opinion does not identify a particular patient or case that prompted Unger’s request.

It also remains unclear whether the opinion will result in changes to existing procedures used by the Arkansas Department of Human Services, the Arkansas State Hospital or the state’s guardianship system. 

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Arkansas Advance Healthcare Directives Remain Valid Under Guardianship and State Hospital Admission 

Senior Life: Become a guardian volunteer for vulnerable neighbors

    

by Sally Kelly

Last month, I wrote about the needs of senior homeowners when they are unable to care for property. I included my thoughts about a lack of resources for these individuals. But what about the individuals themselves who are unable to care for themselves, let alone their property?

These vulnerable adults might be someone who qualifies for a legal guardian. The guidelines that our local Probate Court Judge Patricia Smith uses is based on whether the individual is first able to care for their own physical needs and finances, as well as the care of their home, whether it be an apartment or house.

A legal guardian for an adult is something that I never really thought about. My early work experience was at the Children's Home in Akron. Appointing legal guardians for abused or neglected children was a common practice. The guardian was usually a relative or a close family friend. The guardian became legally responsible for the child’s health and welfare until the parents were able to responsibly care for the child. This avoided having to take custody of the child and placing them in foster care.

The concept of a senior citizen having a guardian is somewhat the same idea. A volunteer guardian is appointed for a vulnerable adult who has shown evidence that they are unable to manage their own finances and health care.

The volunteer guardian is expected to visit the individual in their home to monitor their ability to care for themselves.

In Portage County, there is a Guardianship Service Board who is responsible for these volunteers who are given the responsibility to monitor the well-being of the individual while protecting the legal rights of the individual person under their care “through the least restrictive means possible." The volunteer is appointed by the local Probate Court Judge. The current Guardianship Board is made up of an attorney, the Director of the Portage County Disability Board and the Director of the Board of Mental Health.

The state of Ohio offers a three-hour class online for individuals looking for more information about the guardianship program. Also on the internet, you can find the forms needed to be completed in order to refer a vulnerable individual to be considered for guardianship.

The Guardianship Service Board Director is Diane Clarke who, along with the three board members, provides the supervision of the volunteers.

If you are interested in becoming a volunteer guardian, contact their office at 330-839-3964. 

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Senior Life: Become a guardian volunteer for vulnerable neighbors

Clay County officials announce task force that targets mismanaged guardianships

by Scott Johnson

CLAY COUNTY, Fla. – Clay County officials announced a Guardianship Task Force Tuesday to identify, investigate and prosecute mismanaged or illegally conducted guardianships that have left elderly residents and children vulnerable, officials said.

The effort is led by Clay County Clerk of Court and Comptroller Tara Green and Clay County Sheriff Michelle Cook and includes the state attorney’s office and law enforcement partners from surrounding counties.

The task force will centralize investigations, improve information sharing and ensure cases involving vulnerable victims receive coordinated attention from complaint to prosecution, officials said.

“Hundreds of children and vulnerable adults receive services through court‑appointed guardians,” Green said.

Her office audits guardians’ reports annually, focusing on wards’ physical well‑being, financial accounts and the status of their assets.

Green described recent cases uncovered by auditors, including one in which a guardian depleted the bank account of an elderly woman, took her monthly pension, sold her property and left her destitute without personal effects while medical bills went unpaid. The exploitation was committed by a family member who had been caring for the woman, Green said.

“When guardianships are carried out legally, these vulnerable adults and children are properly cared for,” she said. “But when a guardianship is mismanaged or conducted in an illegal or even criminal manner, the results can be devastating.”

Cook said complaints previously were handled piecemeal, with administrative reviews by the clerk’s office and criminal probes by sheriff’s investigators often pursued separately.

The task force is intended to put all agencies “on the same page,” she said, allowing officials to share information earlier and coordinate investigations that may cross jurisdictions.

Officials urged the public to educate themselves before appointing or hiring a guardian, to ask questions and to report suspicious activity.

Resources and contact information are available on the Clay Clerk’s website and relatives, neighbors and care providers are encouraged to call the task force even if they are unsure a crime has occurred so experts can evaluate concerns.

You can also call the Florida Department of Children and Families Abuse Hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE. If you suspect a court-appointed guardian is not being ethical, call their hotline at 1-855-305-3030.

“We want to make sure everyone knows we will be watching, and if you’re taking advantage of someone you have guardianship over, you will be held accountable,” Cook said. 

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Clay County officials announce task force that targets mismanaged guardianships 

As Florida ages, officials confront growing threat of elder exploitation

Katherine Fernandez Rundle

A string of Miami-Dade arrests for fraud and exploitation highlights the need to protect a growing population of seniors and vulnerable adults, local officials said.

Miami-Dade Mayor Daniella Levine Cava, Miami-Dade Commissioner René Garcia, and 11th Circuit State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle announced the latest arrest at a press conference on Wednesday.

"These are our parents, our grandparents, our friends, our neighbors, and they deserve to age with dignity, to feel safe, and to know where they can turn when they need help,” Levine Cava said.

Rundle announced the arrest of a 67-year-old Hialeah man who is accused of defrauding his 88-year-old mother and 90-year-old father of $86,000, before the father died last year.

The suspect “used his position of trust” to access his parent’s bank account and drained nearly “everything the couple had,” Fernandez Rundle said.

Working with county and local law enforcement, Rundle’s Elderly & Vulnerable Abuse Task Force has made nearly a dozen arrests.

Two exploiters are serving prison terms, one 20 years, the other 10.5 years, after being convicted by Miami-Dade juries, the officials noted.

The latest report from an EVA Work Group that was formed in 2022 shows that Florida ranks second only to California in having the largest number of residents 65 or older.

However, Florida has the highest percentage of older residents in the nation, and Miami-Dade, with 17%, or 472,132, leads the state, the report found.

About 22% of Miami-Dade seniors, or 106,000, live alone, making them “prime targets for scammers,” the report notes.

“High-level structural issues,” such as a severe shortage of social workers, contribute to the challenge, as does the population’s susceptibility to abuse by relatives, trusted parties, and caregivers granted power of attorney, the report notes.

“Service providers and regulatory/enforcement agencies that together support older and vulnerable adults are experiencing funding and staffing shortages, many of which were exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic,” the report found.

Unaffordable long-term care options increase the risk of exploitation, the report notes, as does a “lack of meaningful enforcement by the Agency for Health Care Administration” over assisted living facilities.

Other challenges include:

• A “significantly under-resourced” Department of Children and Families abuse registry hotline.

• An inability to retain “Adult Protective Investigators,” or APIs, who are paid $37,000 and required to use their own vehicles.

• A lack of interagency coordination hampered by confidentiality requirements.

• A high burden to launch a financial exploitation investigation. “If the Power of Attorney (POA) is the exploiter, Adult Protective Services does not have subpoena power to obtain bank records or records from other financial institution.”

The report makes a series of recommendations, including:

• Higher salaries for APIs to help retain qualified staff and reduce wait times on DCF’s Abuse Hotline.

• Creation of a “guardianship-like agency” where a determination of incapacity is not required to meet the needs of those left unserved by the current system.

• Enhanced oversight of congregate living facilities, including “requiring licensing and certification of facilities by regulatory agencies that also provide regular inspections and document compliance.”

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As Florida ages, officials confront growing threat of elder exploitation 

Sabatini maintains Leesburg woman is innocent of elderly exploitation

by Julie Garisto 

Key Points

• A Leesburg woman was found guilty of exploiting an elderly neighbor for nearly $350,000.
• The woman used a power-of-attorney to transfer the victim's funds to her own accounts and purchase land.
• The defense attorney, who is also a local politician, maintains his client was wrongfully convicted.

Nearly two years after charges were first filed, a Lake County jury has delivered a guilty verdict against a Leesburg woman who prosecutors say "systematically drained nearly $350,000" from an elderly, widowed neighbor through an abusive power-of-attorney scheme.

But her attorney, who's also a local politician, insists she was wrongfully convicted.

Kimberly Bitting of Leesburg was convicted on multiple felony counts in August, including three counts of elderly exploitation and a charge of cashing or depositing an item with intent to defraud.

Following the verdict, Bitting was remanded to the Lake County Jail without bond as she awaits sentencing.

Represented by attorney Anthony Sabatini, who's also a Lake County commissioner, Bitting was convicted of were felonies. Specifically, the jury found her guilty on four felony counts:

• Elderly Exploitation (Breach of Power of Attorney) – first-degree felony
• Elderly Exploitation (Position of Trust or Confidence) – first-degree felony
• Elderly Exploitation (Negligent or Intentional Misuse of Assets) – first-degree felony
• Cashing or Depositing an Item with Intent to Defraud – third-degree felony

Despite those convictions, the jury cleared her of a first-degree felony and second-degree felony: organized fraud and the criminal use of personal identification information of an individual over 60.

"Sadly juries often get it wrong, although we were pleased our client was acquitted on several of the bogus charges at trial," Sabatini told the Daily Commercial."Bitting saved the woman's life and worked as a caretaker for her for years. The allegations against her were false."

A 'calculated scheme of isolation and theft'?

The case, investigated by the Leesburg Police Department alongside the state attorney general's office, took more than 18 months.

Prosecutors presented bank records, surveillance footage and a detailed paper trail demonstrating how Bitting exploited her relationship with the grieving senior widow after gaining power of attorney.

According to evidence presented at trial, Bitting used her authority to write checks from the victim’s accounts directly to her own personal accounts. Investigators discovered that more than $137,000 of the victim's money was funneled into purchasing two parcels of land in Calhoun County under a private trust bearing Bitting's name.

During the trial, witnesses speaking for the prosecution discussed "psychological tactics" alleged. Bitting heavily restricted the senior’s communication with family and threatened to have her declared legally incompetent. The victim ultimately managed to escape of her own accord, relocating to New York to live safely with her sister.Co-defendants and legal resolution

Co-defendant Ashton Silvis previously pleaded guilty to receiving payments from the victim's accounts, while another co-defendant, Lara Larsen, cooperated with the state and testified on behalf of the prosecution

State officials, including State Attorney General James Uthmeier, praised the jury's decision, emphasizing that Florida remains committed to holding accountable those who prey on vulnerable older residents.“This defendant systematically exploited a vulnerable senior widow grieving the loss of her husband, abusing a power of attorney to drain her life savings, purchase property for herself, and isolate her from family,” Uthmeier said in his media statement, thanking the Leesburg Police Department, Senior Assistant Statewide Prosecutor Taylor Chatting and Special Counsel Ana Sacco "for their outstanding work securing this conviction.”

Protect yourself and loved ones

Elder financial abuse — particularly involving powers of attorney and trusted caregivers — is an escalating concern.

According to the FBI, tens of thousands of older adults file elder fraud complaints annually.

To safeguard elderly family members, the AARP and consumer protection advocates recommend the following precautions:

Take the initiaive: Discuss financial boundaries and scam awareness with loved ones early, carefully vetting anyone appointed as a financial power of attorney.

Secure sensitive documents: Keep tax returns, bank statements and legal papers safely out of sight.Monitor relationships: Pay close attention to new or overly dominant relationships in an older person’s life, especially anyone attempting to isolate them from family and friends.

Use safeguards: Consider setting up spending limits on prepaid accounts, utilizing monitoring services, or hiring care through bonded, thoroughly screened agencies.

Report suspicious activity: If you suspect financial exploitation, contact local law enforcement or file a report with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.

This updated report updates previous coverage from the Daily Commercial.

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Sabatini maintains Leesburg woman is innocent of elderly exploitation 

Jury finds Moraima Montano guilty of fraud, forgery, and exploitation of elderly

Prosecutors accused Moraima Montano of forged checks, unauthorized transactions, collecting payments after a patient died, and even stealing a piano from a client.

Author: Bill Eaves, Sam Huerta, Preston West 

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — A jury has found Moraima Montano guilty.

Montano was charged with financial abuse of an elderly person involving between $30,000 and $150,000, a second degree felony; theft of property valued at $300,000 or more, a first degree felony; five counts of exploitation of a child, elderly person or disabled person, each a third degree felony; and burglary of a habitation, a second degree felony.

According to 3NEWS Chief Photographer Preston West, one of her victims was brought into court in wheelchair. He testified to the deplorable conditions he lived in while living at a couple of Montano’s facilities, describing it as "rat infested". Another woman testified Montano defrauded her late husband and took 65,000 from him, claiming it was for funeral expenses.

One of  the witnesses testified that, up until a week ago, the defendant was using a handicap placard belonging to an in-law that passed away back in 2022. He said he took pictures of her vehicle parked in handicapped parking at the Nueces County Courthouse last week, as she was a defendant in this trial. She got out of the vehicle in high heels and has no notable handicaps, he said, adding that he was surprised she was still using the illegal placard. The defense didn’t ask any follow up questions.

On Tuesday, the nephew of a patient who died in 2025 took the stand and described the moment he realized someone was trying to discharge his aunt from Alameda Oaks Nursing Home and move her into Montano’s privately owned facility.

That’s when he took a tour of it.

“It took me about two minutes to realize it was not a good place," he said. "It was dark, gloomy. The room she was supposed to be in, there was a tenant there. I remember feeling anxiety and fear for my aunt Kim."

He also testified that funds had noticeably been taken from his aunt’s trust fund and Social Security account.

Montano was the last to take the stand on Thursday, where her lawyer Mark Gonzalez asked her why she believes the jury should consider a shorter sentence than a longer sentence for her crimes.

“What I would say is that if I caused any harm in any way or any form, I’m sorry," Montano said. "I never had bad intentions. I tried my best, and I got overwhelmed because I was also trying to help people who didn’t have any money. I didn’t want to leave people out in the streets. It didn’t happen that way.”

During her statement, she mentioned that the trial had derailed a potential singing career.

“I never told the judge. I’m a rising star. When this happened to me, I was going to record an album.”

Montano’s husband, Manuel Lozano, was called to the stand Wednesday before the jury began deliberations.

Prosecutor Lesleigh Morton, an assistant attorney general assigned to the Medicaid Fraud Control Unit, questioned Lozano about patients under Montano’s care who were affected by her actions.

Morton also challenged how much Lozano knew, pointing out that he spent much of that time working and living outside Corpus Christi.

“The defendant was the one running the homes," she said. "You are not the one on trial here. I want the truth to be said, and that is why we have the evidence. I have the jury here, and they have heard everything. We just need to get through this so we can make a decision.”

Last week Morton questioned the chief financial officer of CHRISTUS Spohn and an employee who works in physician integration and accreditation compliance.

Montano’s attorney, Mark Gonzalez, questioned the witnesses about statements involving Unique Living LLC, a group home business connected to Montano.

During questioning, CHRISTUS Spohn Chief Financial Officer Becky Rios disputed how her testimony was characterized.

“I did not say ‘defrauded me.’ You are putting words in my mouth,” Rios said. “I said payments to her totaled $236,000 and change.”

Witness testimony also focused on text messages involving a patient who had died. Prosecutors allege Montano continued collecting checks connected to the patient after the person’s death.

Roxanne Jenkins, who works in physician integration and accreditation compliance at CHRISTUS Health, questioned a draft for more than $4,000 connected to the deceased patient.

“What is the point of the draft in the amount of $4,000-something for a deceased individual?” Jenkins said. “That should not have occurred.”

Previous investigation reports detailed allegations of forged checks and unauthorized debit card transactions. Montano was accused of using clients’ money for purchases they did not authorize and allegedly stole a piano and other items from her victims. 

Punishments are being decided right now. 3NEWS will provide updates as more information becomes available. 

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Jury finds Moraima Montano guilty of fraud, forgery, and exploitation of elderly 

3 accused in alleged $800K elder exploitation scheme headed to Mobile County grand jury

by Ella Snapp 

MOBILE, Ala. (NBC 15) — Three people accused of financially exploiting an 88-year-old Mobile County man out of hundreds of thousands of dollars will have their cases presented to a grand jury following preliminary hearings Thursday.

Melissa Lynn Hobden, Nora Powe Hobden and Michael Lewis Crouch are facing felony charges in connection with the alleged financial exploitation of Tom Baxter.

During Thursday's hearings, Mobile County Sheriff's Office Detective Tanner Cheshire detailed an investigation involving hundreds of thousands of dollars in checks, two Satsuma properties and two iPhone 17s.

Chief Assistant District Attorney Jennifer Sussman described the case as an example of what she called a "crime of secrecy," saying fear and shame can prevent elderly victims from speaking up.

Prosecutors say the connection to Baxter began through his late wife, Peggy, who had Alzheimer's.

Nora Hobden cared for Peggy before she died, according to testimony Thursday. Prosecutors say that relationship gave Hobden access to Baxter and his family.

"She was a caretaker for his deceased wife who had Alzheimer's before she passed. So, she had access to him that way," Sussman told NBC 15.

Prosecutors allege Nora Hobden, her daughter Melissa Hobden and Melissa's romantic partner, Michael Crouch, later financially exploited Baxter over a period of several years.

Investigators traced checks connected to the case beginning in 2020 and continuing through 2025.

Cheshire testified some checks contained memos describing payments for things such as "sitter," "education" and "labor."

Baxter told investigators he recognized signing some checks but claimed he did so under duress. He told investigators other signatures were not his.

According to testimony Thursday, Baxter told investigators Melissa Hobden would ask him for checks and money and allegedly threatened to accuse him of sexual abuse if he refused.

Investigators also testified that Melissa Hobden did report an allegation of sexual abuse against Baxter in 2021.

According to testimony, Hobden alleged Baxter reached his hand up her shorts.

That investigation was later closed after investigators said they were unable to reconnect with Melissa Hobden to continue the investigation.

The allegation was not adjudicated, and the closure of that investigation does not establish whether the allegation was true or false.

Investigators say Baxter later told them he felt pressured by the alleged threats when he transferred two Satsuma properties to Melissa Hobden in 2021, listing that Melissa was his daughter.

The investigation also uncovered two iPhone 17s allegedly purchased through Baxter's AT&T account while he was hospitalized in 2025.

Cheshire testified Baxter had allowed Melissa Hobden and her son to be on his phone plan but said he had not authorized the purchase of the two phones.

Investigators say the phones were shipped to Melissa Hobden's address.

Investigators estimate checks connected to the case total approximately $628,000.

When the value of the two properties is included, investigators estimated the alleged losses at approximately $800,000.

Earlier in the investigation, Mobile County Sheriff Paul Burch told NBC 15 investigators were still awaiting additional financial records and believed the eventual total could exceed $1 million.

Prosecutors say the alleged exploitation did not come to light because Baxter initially reported it himself.

Instead, they say a fall sent him to the hospital and prompted his daughter, Tammy, who lives in Kentucky, to come to Alabama and look into her father's affairs.

"He was afraid," Sussman said. "And the fact that he was extorted didn't come to light until he had a bad fall. He was in the hospital and his daughter came down from out of state and checked into his affairs and learned that he had been horrifically victimized to the tune of almost a million dollars."

The Sheriff's Office received a complaint in November 2025 after Baxter's daughter noticed large transactions involving her father's finances, according to testimony.

Cheshire said he began investigating in January and interviewed Baxter multiple times.

Sussman told NBC 15 cases involving elderly victims can be difficult to uncover because victims may feel embarrassed or ashamed about what happened.

"One of the reasons that we don't see them as often is there is a lot of shame associated with an older person who is exploited," Sussman said. "There's a reason that an entire genre of crimes is created around it. They're being targeted. It's predatory. It's calculated. It's intentional."

She encouraged families to regularly check on elderly relatives and friends rather than assuming a victim will tell someone if something is wrong.

"This is a crime of secrecy often," Sussman said. "Please reach out to the family members and friends in your community. Let them know that this is not something they need to be ashamed of."

Sussman said reporting suspected exploitation early can also increase the chances investigators will be able to recover money for a victim.

"We want to help prosecute, but the earlier we do it, the more likely we are to have a good result and achieve restitution," she said.

The District Attorney's Office also has a unit aimed at intervening in financial scams targeting elderly residents, including a growing number involving cryptocurrency. Sussman stressed that cryptocurrency was not involved in Baxter's case.

Following Thursday's preliminary hearings, Judge Johana Bucci sent the cases against all three defendants to a Mobile County grand jury for further review.

The grand jury will determine whether there is sufficient evidence to indict the defendants and move the felony cases forward in circuit court.

Prosecutors also indicated Thursday that they want to move quickly to preserve Baxter's testimony because of his declining physical health and his age.

Sussman said prosecutors currently have no reason to believe Baxter is experiencing a mental deficit, but said preserving testimony is a concern prosecutors regularly face when handling cases involving elderly victims.

"We have no reason to think that he is at this time undergoing any sort of mental deficit," Sussman said. "But in order to make sure that we preserve the integrity of what he has to say so that he can adequately convey his experience and how he was victimized, we want to make sure to go ahead and take that testimony early."

Melissa Hobden, Nora Hobden and Michael Crouch have not been convicted of the charges against them. Their cases remain pending. 

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3 accused in alleged $800K elder exploitation scheme headed to Mobile County grand jury 

Losing a parent is a bewildering, lonely experience. Here are the things I wish I had known before

 There’ll be exhaustion, love tinged with occasional rage, even moments of black humour. But my mum would want me to tell you: don’t be afraid

My mother’s house looks exactly as she left it.

Two novels sit by the armchair, their pages neatly marked for book group. Pinned to the noticeboard is a shopping list in only slightly shaky writing, with “FRUIT!” in urgent capitals, and “make soup” underlined. The sole outward signs of something missing are her cats twining needily around me – loneliness having finally overcome their innate horror of visitors – and the one thing I can’t bear to look at, which is the empty hospital bed marooned bleakly in the sitting room. Delivered by social services when it was deemed she could no longer manage stairs, it is now stripped bare, awaiting collection. Another family will be needing it.

This is not my childhood home – my parents moved here only a few years ago – but it’s the one, I suppose, where childhood formally ended. Washing up at her kitchen sink a fortnight ago, looking out at the same scarlet fuchsia I remember blazing in the garden when my father died, it struck me for the first time that soon I would no longer be anyone’s daughter. What I didn’t know then was that the loss of both parents would feel less like the end of a relationship and more like its transition to a new stage, of finally being able to see them clearly as people in their own right.

I thought I’d nailed that years ago, but of course I was wrong. When news spread of her diagnosis – an aggressively fast-moving cancer, erupting from nowhere to overwhelm her in six weeks – my mother’s friends descended in hordes, bringing soup and cake and clove-scented sweet peas from their gardens. But they also brought stories I hadn’t heard before. Though my father was the outwardly gregarious one and my mother more self-effacing, evidently she was the one who watched and listened and caught what others missed. I already knew that for a while she’d channelled that into volunteering as a Samaritan – her way of dealing with the suicide of a close family friend – and training as a Relate counsellor. I was vaguely aware, too, that in retirement she’d founded local hillwalking groups, a social club for widows – and who knows what else. But stupidly, I hadn’t realised what the things we took for granted – “there goes Mum, on one of her missions again” – meant to others. She had been the author of small kindnesses remembered for decades.

Have a baby and the world falls over itself to offer advice. But losing a parent remains a private, bewildering, lonely affair

Why wait for a funeral, one of her friends argued, to say nice things? There was talk of a pre-party, a wake Mum could actually join in, abandoned when it became clear she was already too tired. But the urge to invent new rituals makes sense. With modern medicine rendering heart attacks and strokes more survivable, death increasingly announces itself to elderly people not suddenly overnight but slowly, and with plentiful warning. The creeping degenerative diseases of old age allow more time to say goodbye, or make amends if necessary. But they also force us all to look death squarely in the face, and that takes no little courage.

Fiercely independent at 84, my mother dreaded going into a home. So when she was given less than three months to live, my sister and I promised to nurse her at home, despite having no real plan for managing that alongside jobs and teenage children, beyond somehow basically winging it. Have a baby and the world falls over itself to offer advice. But losing a parent remains a private, bewildering, lonely affair. Here, then, are a few things I wish I’d known at the beginning of summer, in case – like that empty bed – another family can use them.

That care for the dying will trigger the instant muscle memory of caring for small children, if you had them: the same broken nights, same constant vigilance, same exhaustion after a day in which you can’t name a single thing you actually did, and the same unmistakable feeling of love tinged with occasional rage. Then as now we wouldn’t have coped without understanding employers, good friends and neighbours, an army of often overworked NHS and care staff, and things my sister learned from training as a midwife. (For the love of your lower back, get a professional to show you how to move a bedbound patient safely.)

That there are moments of unspeakably black humour to be found even in dying, if you’re that kind of family.

That there are times when your role is to argue with their doctors, and times for shutting up and listening, and you may never be wholly certain which is which.

That if an old person in beady possession of all their marbles goes seemingly mad overnight, test for an underlying infection causing delirium. Antibiotics work miracles.

That you should keep the bad photographs, because afterwards they’re the ones you invariably want to look at: anything where the kids were scowling, the haircuts sorely regrettable, the beach day rained off. It’s the life actually lived, not the one curated for Instagram, that you miss.

That death can trigger an overwhelming urge to put one’s house in order in ways that make sense to the dying, but absolutely nobody else. (My mother had to be dissuaded from getting the sitting room repainted; a friend’s father insisted on alphabetising his CDs.) Within reason, don’t fight it. Like the manic nesting phase of late pregnancy, it’s all part of the process.

That if you find old letters, you should read them only when feeling resilient. Your parents had lives before you existed and secrets they may not have shared.

That death itself is different for everyone, but that even the most peaceful kind looked to me like a form of work. The best way I can describe it is like a reverse childbirth: you can comfort the person going through it, but you cannot be in it with them.

That it wasn’t nearly as frightening as that may sound.

That grief doesn’t always wait for death. Dementia meant I lost my father in some ways years before he died, and a wise friend said that nursing my mother might feel, in retrospect, like starting to work through bereavement in advance. She wasn’t wrong.

That adrenaline may power you through initially, and kindness may undo you.

And lastly, what I think my mother would have wanted me to say: that if this is something you have yet to face, don’t be afraid. But if you’re already there and struggling, then you are nowhere near as alone as you think.

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Losing a parent is a bewildering, lonely experience. Here are the things I wish I had known before  

Exploitation of disabled adult case leads to arrest

A West End man was jailed under a $10,000 secured bond after being arrested and charged with felony exploitation of a  disabled  adult and felony obtaining property by false pretenses.

Forty-three-year-old Christopher Puckett was arrested following the issuance of warrants in the case.

The Aberdeen Police Department said in a news release that on Aug.18, officers responded to the Woodforest National Bank in reference to the possible exploitation of a disabled adult.

“Upon arrival, officers obtained information from bank staff that they knew a client to be disabled and only make transactions with his guardian,” said the police department. “Staff advised that on this date, the client came in with an unknown adult male that he advised he did not know, and withdrew $2000 for him.”

Investigators contacted the man and his guardian on Aug. 21.

“Through additional investigation, it was determined that the victim was easily manipulated due to documented medical conditions,” said the department. “Puckett was identified as the suspect, and it was confirmed that he exploited the victim and obtained money from him under fraudulent circumstances.”

Five days later, warrants were obtained on Puckett for felony exploitation of a disabled adult and felony obtaining property by false pretenses.

On Sept. 1, the Moore County Sheriff’s Office located Puckett and took him into custody. 

Photo: Christopher Puckett is presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Contributed photo. 

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Exploitation of disabled adult case leads to arrest910